Back in the Dark

Nowadays you are feeling desperate again, who the hell knows why? What can you do about that? What ways havent you discovered yet? What is so cool in life that you cant see? What kind of path should take a guy like you? When is this long pattern of bloody spikes going to finish? Is this some kind of sick sacred game? Is someone watching you trying to survive this and for how long? You are tearing yourself apart to solve this puzzle and no answer seems to show up. Is this gonna last until the end of the days? You are feeling like there is a hell, just like there must be a heaven, and you have to go through it no matter what. You are feeling like a damm criminal who hid behind the crimson door for not to be caught and anyway you were, now you have to purge your punishment. You are Fucked up! And theres something that can remind you that... Behind the Crimson Door HIM Covered the carcass of time with flowers To send the scent of blame to the grave Set the darkest thoughts on fire And watched the ashes climb to Heaven's gatesWe hide behind the crimson door While the summer is killed by the fall Alive behind the crimson door While the winter sings: "Your love will be the death of me" (Death of me) "Your love will be the death of me"Death served wine for lovers Brought from the world where devils reign And intoxicated angels with sorrow They witnessed in the eyes of their slaves Why cant I set myself free from suffering? Maybe I like It.....

Life is no joyride

And when you thought that things couldnt be worse, then it just happened. You just dont know. You just dont understand why these kind of things keep happening to you. Simply you dont.
"What is happening to my life?" " What have I done to deserve this?"
"Is this some kind of divine punishment Im receiving for doing, or not doing, something? Have I been so fucking mean to get this from life?"
You start wondering around this thing when your life is really fucked up and you begin to think that you are meant to suffer the rest of your life and nothing else in this damned world, cause you realize thats the only one thing you are doing.
And you are so tired to expect a change of the wind that you dont give a damm about niether living nor dying, and you think that dying is better cause it could be your sweet release, that nothing else matters; not love, not compassion, not forgiveness because they are so ephimeral; not betrayness, not hate, not revenge because they last forever.
How can you feel willing to live a life that holds nothing for you or at least has not showed you that it does? It cant be expected from you to be optimistic after all that shit you have been through and all the shit you are about to live because there is always a chance for things to get worse.
You should think its ok, because you are noticing that life is not a joyride and you are getting used to that.

"Mind Works In Some Misterious Ways."

A few days ago I was talking to someone related to me, very closely.
She said that she was feeling strange because she has no memories of her whole childhood and the most of her youth. She loses her mind cause in her attempts to forget outrageous things that have happened to her she ends up erasing her good memories completely, her good memories and her friends, everything but what she wants to forget.
In the other hand... I do not achive to forget anything.... I remember everything since I was two years old, I dont miss any part of my life.
God knows what Id give to forget some periods of my life, things I do not wish anybody to go through, to ty to live with.
There are memories that are so painful that you feel that living is not worthy and you wish your death...
I have been thinking about this during months and I have reached just one conclusion: the reason why you get this worse-than-hell memories; the reason you have nightmares, the only one cause, the faulter is no other than yourself, cause you deserve it. Why?.... Because you looked for it, because you hurt someone and you deserve to be cursed. You must be. You deserve to carry on with those painful memories the rest of your life.
It is like some sort of divine punishment because of wat you did.
Not only words hurt, thoughts, bu most of it your actions. There are many things you could do to make people feel miserable, humilliated, rejected and a very few to make them feel comfortable. In most of the cases you choose the first one.
What you give is what you get returned.


Traitors ...
... once I was one.


If I could only forget...

"Chances"

If you havent felt this way at least once in your life...............


.... I dont know which world you have been living in.

god bless the orchid eaters: repose

This is the woman I was talking about!!! She is an exotic and exciting beauty or what!!!???
This is one of the dark angels you can find only at night, aint I right!!!???
I hope she does not get mad for me taking her piture and load it here!

"Kindness" and "Weakness"

Im sure you have, at least once, heard someone saying: "Dont take my kindness for weakness"
Well, what I do believe is that kindness makes us weak, because out there are many people that without a doubt will be trying to get advantage from you and your good will. You dont see it because you are good! And you are tearing your soul apart cause you think you might make of this world a good place to live. Fair for all of us and you dont see that you are wasting your time because you are good! And it is in our human nature to be destructive and selfdestructive and you are so good that you try to stop wars by letting them step over you to show; that with your kindness and desire of a better society you will, but once more you dont see you are gonna fail because you are good!

Thats good I think, cause it means that you are not willing to let them take your dreams of a functional and really civilized planet. With no more idiots doing what they wanna do, killing people cause they dont like or not even understand their culture. I think you have to stand up for what you think is right.

Once I saw SE7EN* and the last line says: "Life is good and worths fighting for it." and Mr.Freemans character says: "I agree with the second part". Well, I agree only with the second part too.


* A MOVIE ABOUT THE SEVEN CAPITAL SINS.