sleepless nights come from here to eternity

Hercules Second Labour

2005-12-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

In Greek mythology, The Lernaean Hydra was an ancient nameless serpent-like chthonic water beast that possessed numerous heads—the poets mention more heads than the vase-painters could paint—and poisonous breath (Hyginus, 30). The Hydra of Lerna was killed by Heracles as one of his Twelve Labours.

Its lair was the lake of Lerna in the Argolid, though archaeology has borne out the myth that the sacred site was older even than the Mycenaean city of Argos, for Lerna was the site of the myth of the Danaids. Beneath the waters was an entrance to the Underworld, and the Hydra its guardian (Kerenyi 1959, p. 143). The Hydra was the offspring of Typhon and Echidna, noisome creatures of the Goddess, who became Hera. It was said to be the sibling of the Nemean Lion, yet another creature of the archaic Goddess, and thus seeking revenge for Heracles' slaying of it. As such, it was said to have been chosen as a task for Heracles so that Heracles would likely die.

Upon reaching the swamp near Lake Lerna, where the Hydra dwelt, Heracles covered his mouth and nose with a cloth to protect himself from the poisonous fumes and fired flaming arrows into its lair, the spring of Amymone, to draw it out. He then confronted it, wielding a harvesting sickle in some early vase-paintings; Ruck and Staples (p. 170) have pointed out that the chthonic creature's reaction was botanical: upon cutting off each of its heads he found that two grew back, an expression of the hopelessness of such a struggle for any but the hero, Heracles.

The details of the confrontation are explicit in Apollodorus (2.5.2): realising that he could not defeat the Hydra in this way, Heracles called on his nephew Iolaus for help. His nephew then came upon the idea (possibly inspired by Athena) of using a burning firebrand to scorch the neck stumps after decapitation, and handed him the blazing brand. Heracles cut off each head and Iolaus burned the open stump leaving the hydra dead; its one immortal head Heracles placed under a great rock on the sacred way between Lerna and Elaius (Kerenyi1959 p 144), and dipped his arrows in the Hydra's poisonous blood, and so his second task was complete.

In an alternative version, Hera's crab was at the site to bite his feet and bother him, hoping to cause his death. Hera set it in the Zodiac to follow the Lion (Eratosthenes, Catasterismi) When Eurystheus, the agent of ancient Hera who was assigning to Heracles The Twelve Labours, found out that it was Heracles' nephew who had handed him the firebrand, he declared that the labour had not been completed alone and as a result did not count towards the ten labours set for him. The mythic element is an equivocating attempt to resolve the submerged conflict between an ancient ten Labours and a more recent twelve.

In another version, Heracles defeated the Hydra by remembering the words of his wise teacher, Chiron, who had said, "We rise by kneeling; we conquer by surrendering; we gain by giving up." All his other weapons having failed, Heracles remembered his mentor's words and knelt down in the swamp and lifted up the monster by one of her heads into the light of day, where she began to wilt. Heracles then cut off each of her heads, dipping his arrows in the Hydra's poisonous blood at the same time. However, none re-grew. After he had severed all nine heads, a tenth one appeared; Heracles recognised this as a jewel and buried it under a rock.

Today "Hydra-like problem" or "hydra" refers to a multifaceted problem that seems incapable of step-by-step solution, or to one that worsens upon conventional attempts to solve it, for example, attempts to suppress a particular piece of information resulting in it being disseminated even more widely.

The Hercules' Twelve Labours

2005-12-11T22:44:00.000-08:00

Heracles slaying the Nemean Lion

Nemean Lion

The Nemean Lion was a vicious monster in Greek mythology that lived in Nemea. It was eventually killed by Heracles. The lion was usually considered the offspring of Typhon and Echidna, but it was also said to have fallen from the moon, offspring of Zeus and Selene. A third origin has it being born of the Chimera.

The slaying of the lion

The first of Heracles' twelve labours was to slay the Nemean Lion and bring back its skin.

The lion had been terrorising the area around Nemea, and had a skin so thick that it was impenetrable to weapons. When Heracles first tackled it, using his bow-and-arrow, a club made from an olive tree he pulled out of the ground himself, and a bronze sword, all were ineffective. At last Heracles threw away his weapons and wrestled the lion to the ground, eventually killing it by thrusting his arm down its throat and choking it to death.

Heracles spent hours trying unsuccessfully to skin the lion, and gradually growing angrier as it appeared he would be unable to complete his first task. Eventually Athena, in the guise of an old crone, helped Heracles to realise that the best tools to cut the hide were the creature's own claws. Thus, with a little divine intervention, Heracles completed his first task.

Thereafter, he wore the impenetrable hide as armour. King Eurystheus, Heracles' taskmaster for the labours, was so frightened by Heracles' fearsome guise that he hid in a large bronze jar, and from that moment forth communicated all his instructions to Heracles through a herald.

Beowulf.- Part One: Second Episode

2005-12-10T17:46:00.000-08:00

One night, after a beer party,
the Danes settled in the hall
for sleep; they knew no sorrows.
The evil creature, grim and hungry,
grabbed thirty warriors
and went home laughing.

At dawn, when the Danes learned
of Grendel's strength,
there was great weeping.
The old king sat sadly,
crying for his men. Bloody
footprints were found.

That was bad enough,
but the following night
Grendel killed more--
blinded by sin,
he felt no remorse.
(You can bet the survivors
started sleeping elsewhere.)
So Grendel ruled,
fighting right,
one against many,
and the greatest hall
in all the earth
stood empty at night.

Twelve years this went on,
Hrothgar suffering
the greatest of sorrows.

Poets sang sad songs
throughout the world,
how Grendel tormented Hrothgar;
how no warrior,
no matter how brave,
could kill Grendel.
How Grendel wasn't
about to stop,
or pay damages.
Grendel kept ambushing from his lair,
the moors which lay in perpetual
darkness.

Then, the cruelest of all injuries,
he moved into the hall--
stayed there every night
(though God would never allow
such an evil thing
to actually touch the throne).

Hrothgar was broken;
council after council proposed
what to do against the attacks.
They even went to heathen temples,
worshipped idols, and called
to the Devil for help.
The Danes forgot God.
(Woe be to those who go
to the fire's embrace,
even in great distress--
There is no consolation there.)

No counselor, no warrior
could destroy the evil.
They wept and seethed.

Beowulf Hears of Grendel

But a warrior of Hygelac's
heard of Grendel's doings;
he was the strongest of men
alive in that day,
mighty and noble.
That man called for a ship,
said he would cross the ocean
and help the king who needed help.
Wise men urged him
to that adventure
though he was dear to them.
They examined omens
and whetted him on.

So the good Geat chose
the bravest warriors,
fourteen of them,
and that crafty sailor
led them to the land's brim,
to the ship.
They readied the ship
on the waves under the cliffs
and the warriors stood at the prow
as the water wound against the sand.
The warriors bore
into the ship's bosom
bright weapons,
fitted armor.

The men shoved
the well-braced ship
out on the journey
they'd dreamed of.
The foamy-necked ship
went out like a bird
so that the next day its curved prow
had gone so far
that the seafarers saw land,
shining shore cliffs
and steep mountains.
Their journey was already over
and the Geat warriors
pulled their ship to the shore
and stood on land
in their rattling shirts,their war-clothes. They
thanked God for an easy trip.

From his wall the sea-guard of the Danes,
protector of the cliffs,
saw bright shield
sand ready war dress
coming over the gang plank
and he wondered
who those men were.
Hrothgar's warrior rode
to shore on his horse.

Shaking a mighty spear, he spoke:
"Who are you, in armor,
who come over the sea-road
in that steep keel?
Listen: I guard here
so that no forces
hostile to the Danes
may raid. Never has
one so openly brought
a ship's army, warriors,
without the permission of my kinsmen.
And never have I seen
a greater man on earth,
any man in armor,
than is one among you.
Unless I'm wrong,
that is no hall-man
just wearing armor--
his stature is peerless.
I wish to know your lineage now
so I know you are not spies
going into the land of the Danes.
You far-dwellers, seafarers,
hear my simple thought:
you had best hurry to tell me
where you come from."

Beowulf, leader of the host
unlatched his word-hoard:
"As to kin, we are of the Geat nation,
Hygelac's hearth-companions.
My father was a leader well known
among the people: Edgtheow.
He stayed many winters
before he went away,
aged, from the court.
Every wise man readily remembers
him throughout the earth.
We have come with friendly hearts
to see your lord, Healfdene's son,
protector of the people.
Be good counsel to us:
we have come on a great errand
to the king of the Danes.
I think it foolish
to keep secrets. You know
if it is true what we have heard,
that a dark enemy in the nights
works violence and slaughter
on the Danes. . . . Perhaps
in kindness I may advise Hrothgar
how he, wise and famous,
may overcome this enemy--
if change will ever come,
relief from this evil--
and how this seething sorrow
might become cool.
Otherwise, he will suffer tribulationas
long as he lives in that high place,
the best of houses."

The protector of the coast,
still on his horse, spoke
(a wise shield warrior,
one who thinks well,
must judge two things:works and words):
"I see that you are a band
friendly to the lord of the Danes.
Go forth, bearing arms and equipment.
I will guide you.
Also, I will order my men
to protect your ship,
that new-tarred boat on the sand,
until it bears you again
back over the water streams
with its curved wooden neck,
back to the land of the Geats--
if it be granted that you
endure the battle."

They left then the well-made ship
pulling at its rope.
On the gold-adorned helmets
figures of boars shone,
those guards over war-like minds.

The men excitedly marched until
they saw that ornamented hall,
the finest building on earth,
that glittered light over many lands,
where the mighty one waited.

The one brave in battle pointed
toward the resplendent hall;
the guard of the coast turned
his horse and said after them:
"It is time for me to go.
May the Father Omnipotent hold you
safe and sound in kindness!
I will go back to the sea
to hold against hostile bands."

End of episode two

The First Epic Story: Beowulf.- Prologue

2005-12-09T08:50:00.000-08:00

Early History of the Danes

Listen:You have heard of the Danish Kings
in the old days and how
they were great warriors.
Shield, the son of Sheaf,
took many an enemy's chair,terrified many a warrior
,after he was found an orphan.
He prospered under the sky
until people everywhere
listened when he spoke.
He was a good king!

Shield had a son,
child for his yard,
sent by God
to comfort the people,
to keep them from fear--
Grain was his name;
he was famous
throughout the North.
Young princes should do as
he did--
give out treasures
while they're still young
so that when they're old
people will support them
in time of war.
A man prospers
by good deeds
in any nation.

Shield died at his fated hour,
went to God still strong.
His people carried him to the
sea,
which was his last request.
In the harbor stood
a well-built ship,
icy but ready for the sea.
They laid Shield there,
propped him against the mast
surrounded by gold
and treasure from distant
lands.
I've never heard
of a more beautiful ship,
filled with shields, swords,
and coats of mail, gifts
to him for his long trip.
No doubt he had a little more
than he did as a child
when he was sent out,
a naked orphan in an empty
boat.
Now he had a golden banner
high over his head, was,
sadly by a rich people,
given to the sea.
The wisest alive can't tell
where a death ship goes.

Grain ruled the Danes
a long time after his father's
death,
and to him was born
the great Healfdene, fierce in
battle,who ruled until he was old.
Healfdene had four children--
Heorogar, Hrothgar, Halga the
Good,
and a daughter who married
Onela, King of the Swedes.

Hrothgar Becomes King of the Danes

After Hrothgar became king
he won many battles:
his friends and family
willingly obeyed him;
his childhood friends
became famous soldiers.

So Hrothgar decided
he would build a mead-hall,
the greatest the world had
ever seen, or even imagined.
There he would share out
to young and old alike
all that God gave him
(except for public lands and
men's lives).

I have heard that orders
went out far and wide;
tribes throughout the world
set to work on that building.
And it was built, the world's
greatest mead-hall.
And that great man
called the building
"Herot," the hart.

After it was built,
Hrothgar did what he said
he would: handed out gold
and treasure at huge feasts.
That hall was high-towered,
tall and wide-gabled
(though destruction awaited,
fire and swords of family
trouble;
and outside in the night waited

a tortured spirit of hell).

The words of the poet,
the sounds of the harp,
the joy of people echoed.
The poet told how the world
came to be, how God made
the earth
and the water surrounding,
how He set the sun and the moon
as lights for people
and adorned the earth
with limbs and leaves for
everyone.
Hrothgar's people lived in joy,
happy until that wanderer of
the wasteland,
Grendel the demon,
possessor of the moors,
began his crimes.

He was of a race of monsters
exiled from mankind by God--
He was of the race of Cain,
that man punished for
murdering his brother.
From that family comes
all evil beings--
monsters, elves, zombies.
Also the giants who
fought with God and got
repaid with the flood.

end of episode one

The Real You...

2005-12-07T11:48:00.000-08:00

2005-12-07T11:21:00.000-08:00

Hecate, Greek goddess of the crossroads; drawing by Stephane Mallarmé in Les Dieux Antiques, nouvelle mythologie illustrée (Paris, 1880).

Hecate, Hekate (Hekátē), or Hekat was originally a goddess of the wilderness and childbirth originating from Thrace, or among the Carians of Anatolia (Burkert 1985 p171). Popular cult venerating her as a mother goddess integrated her persona into Greek culture as 'Εκατη. In Ptolemaic Alexandria she ultimately achieved her connotations as a goddess of sorcery and her role as the ‘Queen of Ghosts’, in which guise she was transmitted to post-Renaissance culture.

Hecate was carefully attended: "For to this day, whenever any one of men on earth offers rich sacrifices and prays for favour according to custom, he calls upon Hecate. Great honour comes full easily to him whose prayers the goddess receives favourably, and she bestows wealth upon him; for the power surely is with her".

Hesiod emphasizes that Hecate was an only child, the daughter of Asteria, a star-goddess who was the sister of Leto, (the mother of Artemis and Apollo). Grandmother of the three cousins was Phoebe the ancient Titaness who personified the moon. Hecate was a reappearance of Phoebe, a moon goddess herself, who appeared in the dark of the moon.
His inclusion and praise of Hecate in Theogony is troublesome for scholars in that being at the time a relatively minor and foreign goddess, he seems fulsomely to praise her attributes and responsibilities in the ancient cosmos.

It is theorized (Johnston, Restless Dead) that Hesiod’s original village had a substantial Hecate following and that his inclusion of her in the Theogony was his own way to boost the home-goddess for unfamiliar hearers.
As her cult spread into areas of Greece it presented a conflict, as Hecate’s role was already filled by other more prominent gods in the Greek pantheon, above all by Artemis, and by more archaic figures, such as Nemesis.

There are two versions of Hecate that emerge in Greek myth. The lesser role integrates Hecate while not diminishing Artemis. In this version (Johnston, Restless Dead), Hecate is a mortal priestess (commonly associated with Iphigeneia) who scorns and insults Artemis, eventually leading to her suicide. Artemis then adorns the dead body with jewelry and whispers for her spirit to rise and become her Hecate, and act similar to Nemesis as an avenging spirit (but solely for injured women). Such myths where a home god sponsors or ‘creates’ a foreign god were widespread in ancient cultures as a way of integrating foreign cults. Additionally, as Hecate’s cult grew, her figure was added to the myth of the birth of Zeus (Johnston, Restless Dead) as one of the midwives that hid the child, while Cronus consumed the deceiving rock handed to him by Gaia.

The second version helps to explain how Hecate gains the title of the ‘Queen of Ghosts’ and her role as a goddess of sorcery. Similar to totems of Hermes—herms— placed at borders as a ward against danger, images of Hecate, as a liminal goddess, could also serve in such a protective role. It became common to place statues of the goddess at the gates of cities, and eventually domestic doorways. Over time, the association of keeping out evil spirits, lead to the belief that if offended Hecate could also let in evil spirits. Thus invocations to Hecate arose as her the supreme governess of the borders between the normal world and the spirit world (Johnston, Restless Dead).
Eventually, Hecate’s power resembled that of sorcery. Medea, who was a priestess of Hecate, used witchcraft in order to handle magic herbs and poisons with skill, and to be able to stay the course of rivers Citation needed, or check the paths of the stars and the moon.
Implacable Hecate has been called "tender-hearted", probably because she was concerned with the disappearance of Persephone, and addressed Demeter with sweet words when the goddess was distressed.
Although she was never truly incorporated among the Olympian gods, the modern understanding of Hecate is derived from the syncretic Hellenistic culture of Alexandria. In the magical papyri of Ptolemaic Egypt, she is called the she-dog (or bitch), and her presence is signified by the barking of dogs. She sustained a large following, though, remaining a goddess of protection and childbirth. In late imagery she also has two ghostly dogs as servants by her side.
In modern times Hecate has become a prevalent figure in women’s religions, and a version of Hecate has been appropriated by Wicca and other modern magic-practising religions.

Nowadays...

In modern times, she has become popular in Paganism and Wicca, largely due to her association as the goddess of sorcery.

Hecate as a goddess of Magic. Hecate is not seen as a necessarily benevolent goddess, and her favor is often seen as fickle. Hecate is thought to grant magical power to those who please her, and sometimes punish those who displease her. Examples of punishment may include inflicting madness in some cases, or sickness, posion, and disease in others. However Hecate is not thought to be malevolent, and to those who gain her favor she is thought to grant boons, including relief from pain, ease in child birth, the curing of disease and physical ailments, and (some believe) unnatural longevity.

In regard to unnatural longevity, some believe that Vampires (Also spelt Vampyr) and other immortals may exist among us as examples, but it's worthy of note that no such immortal has ever been found outside of various myths and works of fiction. Hecate is believed by many to be unconcerned with mortals unless they earn her attention, reserving most of her favor for innately magical beings and favoring her Nymphs above all else.

Worship of Hecate can take many forms. In some cases animal sacrifices have been alleged. Most modern pagans very actively discourage the practice of animal sacrifice, in part due to fear of being associated with Satanism and in part due to concerns for the humane treatment of animals.

Hecate is thought to favor those who show conviction, commitment, and adoration for her, which leads many to conduct chanting and prostration in hopes of gaining favor and magical power. The most common forms of worship include prostration, chanting adoration for Hecate, fasting, the collecting of lanterns, the burning of oils and incense, and the burning and bread and other foods as sacrifices. According to some pagan Hecate is worshipped by both men and women evenly.

Kinda Predictable...

2005-12-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

The name is thought most likely to derive from Old English 'wer' (or 'were') meaning 'man' (male "man" rather than gender-neutral "person, human"). It has cognates in several Germanic languages including German: 'we(h)r', 'we(h)ren' (compounds include Abwehr, Feuerwehr, Bundeswehr 'group of men engaged in defense') and Old Norse: 'var' The second element is '*wlkwo-' or wulf meaning simply 'wolf'. The two elements joined thus yield 'man-wolf.' The first element is thought to be representative of the hypothetical Proto-Indo-European roots '*wi-ro-' meaning 'man.' Also thought to be descended from this root are Latin 'vir' Old Prussian: 'wirs', and Irish 'fir.' An alternative etymology looks to Old English weri (to wear) plus "wolf", thus bearing wearer of the wolf skin.
Other sources believe it is derived from warg-wolf, where "warg" (or later "werg" and "wero") is cognate with Norse "varg" meaning wolf and as "vargulf" means the kind of wolf that slaughters many of a flock or herd but eats only a bit. This was a serious problem for herders as they had to somehow destroy the individual wolf that had run mad before it destroyed their entire flock or herd. They then used the wolf's hide as a decorative ornament in the bedroom of a young infant, believing it to give the baby supernatural powers. "Warg" by itself was used in Old English for that specific kind of wolf (see J. R. R. Tolkien's novel The Hobbit) and it was used as well for what would now be called a serial killer.
The Greek term Lycanthropy (a compound of which the first part derives from the same Proto-Indo-European root for "wolf", *wlkwo-, as the English word) is also commonly used for the "wolf - man" transformation.
The term for the metamorphosis of people into animals in general, rather than wolves specifically, is therianthropy (therianthrope means animal-man). The term turnskin or turncoat (Latin: versipellis, Russian : oboroten, O. Norse: hamrammr) is sometimes also used.
Another name for a werewolf is loup-garou, from the Latin noun lupus meaning 'wolf.' The second element is thought to be from Old French 'garoul' meaning 'werewolf.' This in turn is most likely from Frankish '*wer-wulf' meaning 'man-wolf.'

Mind plays Tricks to You.

2005-11-30T07:31:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't you like to know what's happening to you? Why does that thing comes to your mind every time you're off? Why you aren't able to forget? Why you can't expulse that from you?

That's because you have hate in your soul, in your mind those scenes have found a comfortable, sweet and warm place where they can make you go crazy by placing more pain on you. It's like you brain is setting you up. Traps on every corner, every time you have a moment alone is nothing awaiting for you but pain, sorrow, agony and desperation.
Your mind plays tricks to you, mean and evil tricks and you're falling for them.
But, what is it that you want? What does your mind want you to go for? Revenge....!!! ???
It will never make your pain, frustration and anger go away, it won't heal your wounds. It won't make you feel any better...

Maybe that day your heart died and came back to life only to be killed again, maybe it was meant to suffer.

How could you be sure of that since no one knows why we are here?
Guess you'll just have to wait and see...

Aint this.....

2005-11-13T12:22:00.000-08:00

Aint this what you say when you find out that everything is not like you were taught by your parents and teachers? That despite of the good things that could happen to you, the good people you could get to meet and all the good memories you could make with them and all the beauty you could ever find on earth anyway it is full of horrid situations or people who cause them?
Aint this right to say......?

Ye be warned... this is normal

2005-11-13T10:31:00.000-08:00

Come on in to find out our deepest and darkest thoughts. If you dare... then you will know why we all hide "behind a crimson door". You will know why we all have a crime to confess. No one is a complete damm devil because life would be hell itself, but definitely no one is a full-time angel either and even the best person you could ever have would be willing to stab your back with some ridiculous excuse just like: "I still love you and that is why I want to punish myself taking some time apart from you..." - and they tell you that right after they cheated on you... A few days ago they promised you eternal love and care the rest of their lives and now they call just to say: you are the shit no more by using some nice words for "not to hurt you" when they already did. Right now the only things they can offer you are pain, desperation and anger. There is anything you can do about that and they know it, you could say that they even enjoy it, because they are thousands of miles away doing who the hell knows what, having a great time dancing "cha,cha,cha" on what they left of your heart meanwhile you crush your head against the floor trying to find out what was that so wrong that you did to get this situation to happen to you. When everything you thought about was make them feel loved, valuable and happy, and now they screwed it and make you think backwards.

You should stop crying and still think you are the shit, cause you are. The redemption for you could be in the fact that everyone gets what they deserve and one day life will charge them this for you. That will teach them some manners.

And like this too many crimes occur everyday, they dont appear on the news or in the papers, but they do happen and hurt houndreds or maybe thousands of human beings. People cheat, people hurt feelings, people rape and kill for stupid excuses called "reasons" and what do we do about that...?

Nothing...

...it is normal.

Back in the Dark

2005-10-31T23:34:00.001-08:00

Nowadays you are feeling desperate again, who the hell knows why? What can you do about that? What ways havent you discovered yet? What is so cool in life that you cant see? What kind of path should take a guy like you? When is this long pattern of bloody spikes going to finish? Is this some kind of sick sacred game? Is someone watching you trying to survive this and for how long? You are tearing yourself apart to solve this puzzle and no answer seems to show up. Is this gonna last until the end of the days?
You are feeling like there is a hell, just like there must be a heaven, and you have to go through it no matter what. You are feeling like a damm criminal who hid behind the crimson door for not to be caught and anyway you were, now you have to purge your punishment.
You are Fucked up!
And theres something that can remind you that...

Behind the Crimson Door HIM
Covered the carcass of time with flowers To send the scent of blame to the grave Set the darkest thoughts on fire And watched the ashes climb to Heaven's gatesWe hide behind the crimson door While the summer is killed by the fall Alive behind the crimson door While the winter sings: "Your love will be the death of me" (Death of me) "Your love will be the death of me"Death served wine for lovers Brought from the world where devils reign And intoxicated angels with sorrow They witnessed in the eyes of their slaves

Why cant I set myself free from suffering? Maybe I like It.....

Life is no joyride

2005-10-15T22:53:00.000-07:00

And when you thought that things couldnt be worse, then it just happened. You just dont know. You just dont understand why these kind of things keep happening to you. Simply you dont.
"What is happening to my life?" " What have I done to deserve this?"
"Is this some kind of divine punishment Im receiving for doing, or not doing, something? Have I been so fucking mean to get this from life?"
You start wondering around this thing when your life is really fucked up and you begin to think that you are meant to suffer the rest of your life and nothing else in this damned world, cause you realize thats the only one thing you are doing.
And you are so tired to expect a change of the wind that you dont give a damm about niether living nor dying, and you think that dying is better cause it could be your sweet release, that nothing else matters; not love, not compassion, not forgiveness because they are so ephimeral; not betrayness, not hate, not revenge because they last forever.
How can you feel willing to live a life that holds nothing for you or at least has not showed you that it does? It cant be expected from you to be optimistic after all that shit you have been through and all the shit you are about to live because there is always a chance for things to get worse.
You should think its ok, because you are noticing that life is not a joyride and you are getting used to that.

"Mind Works In Some Misterious Ways."

2005-10-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was talking to someone related to me, very closely.
She said that she was feeling strange because she has no memories of her whole childhood and the most of her youth. She loses her mind cause in her attempts to forget outrageous things that have happened to her she ends up erasing her good memories completely, her good memories and her friends, everything but what she wants to forget.
In the other hand... I do not achive to forget anything.... I remember everything since I was two years old, I dont miss any part of my life.
God knows what Id give to forget some periods of my life, things I do not wish anybody to go through, to ty to live with.
There are memories that are so painful that you feel that living is not worthy and you wish your death...
I have been thinking about this during months and I have reached just one conclusion: the reason why you get this worse-than-hell memories; the reason you have nightmares, the only one cause, the faulter is no other than yourself, cause you deserve it. Why?.... Because you looked for it, because you hurt someone and you deserve to be cursed. You must be. You deserve to carry on with those painful memories the rest of your life.
It is like some sort of divine punishment because of wat you did.
Not only words hurt, thoughts, bu most of it your actions. There are many things you could do to make people feel miserable, humilliated, rejected and a very few to make them feel comfortable. In most of the cases you choose the first one.
What you give is what you get returned.

Traitors ...
... once I was one.

If I could only forget...

"Chances"

2005-10-04T15:30:00.000-07:00

If you havent felt this way at least once in your life...............

.... I dont know which world you have been living in.

god bless the orchid eaters: repose

2005-10-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

This is the woman I was talking about!!! She is an exotic and exciting beauty or what!!!???
This is one of the dark angels you can find only at night, aint I right!!!???
I hope she does not get mad for me taking her piture and load it here!

"Kindness" and "Weakness"

2005-10-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

Im sure you have, at least once, heard someone saying: "Dont take my kindness for weakness"
Well, what I do believe is that kindness makes us weak, because out there are many people that without a doubt will be trying to get advantage from you and your good will. You dont see it because you are good! And you are tearing your soul apart cause you think you might make of this world a good place to live. Fair for all of us and you dont see that you are wasting your time because you are good! And it is in our human nature to be destructive and selfdestructive and you are so good that you try to stop wars by letting them step over you to show; that with your kindness and desire of a better society you will, but once more you dont see you are gonna fail because you are good!

Thats good I think, cause it means that you are not willing to let them take your dreams of a functional and really civilized planet. With no more idiots doing what they wanna do, killing people cause they dont like or not even understand their culture. I think you have to stand up for what you think is right.

Once I saw SE7EN* and the last line says: "Life is good and worths fighting for it." and Mr.Freemans character says: "I agree with the second part". Well, I agree only with the second part too.

* A MOVIE ABOUT THE SEVEN CAPITAL SINS.

There are times...

2005-09-30T02:44:00.000-07:00

There are times when sleeping is not everything you can do.
Sleeping is to me some sort of waste of time. For instance, I just discovered one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen on the Internet, when?....... at night! There she was , unafraid of showing herself as she came to this world. Absolutely naked, absolutely beautiful, peaceful to me.
The other night I was, as usual, trying to sleep,but no success and the moonlight was coming through my window when I went to check it there was the biggest moon I had ever seen in my entire life!!!

What Im trying to say here is that why should we waste time sleeping when there is a exciting, dark-angeled world out there every night? Remember that sleepless nights come from here to eternity.